I met my younger self for coffee, and you wouldn’t believe what she said.
In typical Peri fashion, she showed up exactly on time, looking anxious, overstimulated, and dazed. I ordered my go-to drink at Starbucks, an Iced Decaf Mocha Latte with Soy, no whipped cream. Then she looked at me, doe-eyed and completely in awe. She had never experienced coffee before, so I let her take a sip. Her entire being immediately lit up with pure joy and wonder for what could be. Clearly, if first graders were allowed coffee, it would completely change the power dynamic and add fuel to the fire that desperately needed some hope and clarity.
Drinking coffee was never on her dream list. Her mother always drank it black, far too bitter, and her father turned it into a milky soup before slurping it obnoxiously loud, like a horse in a barn. Coffee ice cream wasn’t much more appealing either. So, imagine her surprise when she fell in love with the drink and its seemingly infinite combinations.
For a first grader, younger Peri was endlessly curious, unable to stop the flood of questions pouring out of her. It was like sending fifty text messages instead of one. Yes, we’re still one of those people. That’s just how our stream of consciousness works.
Do we get prettier? Do we ever get better? Do we have friends? Are we happy? Are we still
socially awkward? Did we ever find our place in this world? Do we ever climb out of this dark hole, or do we get swallowed up?
The questions kept coming, and truthfully, I didn’t have all the answers. Well…except for the socially awkward one. I prefer to think of us as a quirky introvert. She didn’t have an off switch. Her brain worked overtime, searching for answers and clues about the future. But what mattered most was her fearlessness. Even then, she had a sparkle in her eyes that refused to give up, despite all the barriers waiting for her. She had moxie. And boy, did she have a mouth on her. Nobody else could hear it. Her thoughts flooded my brain, and only I could listen. We were one and the same, younger and older me.
She finally stopped long enough to ask me one simple question.
What truly matters?
This is what I told her.
Don’t let the bullies destroy your self-esteem. Build an ironclad suit of armor, but don’t wear it forever. One day you’ll find your people, and you’ll know when it’s finally safe to let your guard down. The bullies won’t matter nearly as much as you think they do.
The hours you spend trying to earn one or two extra points on a test, quiz, or Regents exam don’t matter nearly as much as you think. Work hard. Earn the grades that open doors and scholarships.
But never at the expense of your health or sanity. Stomach ulcers and hives are not badges of honor. Finding the perfect mascara, makeup routine, nail polish color, and hair accessories absolutely matters. End of story. You can be smart and fashionable at the same time. Besides, when we look good, we feel good, and we’re always a little more productive.
It’s boring to fit in. Under no circumstances should you let other people dictate your life. You are enough exactly as you are. Sometimes, if you have to be a rebel, don’t question it. Dare to talk back, to be more, to want more.
Yes, we’re still single, sassy, and sarcastic as ever. Our self-esteem is still a little battered and bruised, but we’ve learned how to stand our ground. Forgiveness isn’t as simple as people make it sound when the scars are tattooed onto your soul. Then she asked if she should continue to write her feelings in her diary.
I just stared at her. She couldn’t possibly know that one day she’d write a memoir called The Velvet Bow (And Other Dark Sh*t).
Every tear, every bully who crossed her path, every piece of trauma she wished she
could erase would eventually become the very thing people connected with most. One day, she’d be brave enough to roll into battle without armor, telling her story so someone else would feel a little less alone. So I told her to keep writing. One day, your words will become more than the pages of a diary. They’ll become your voice, your livelihood, your freedom, and the way you take back control of your life.
It only takes one flame to start a fire. Enola Holmes had it right.
Whether you move slower, ask for help, or roll into a room instead of walking into one, you belong there just as much as anyone else. Never apologize for taking up space.
She finished the last sip of her mini–Iced Decaf Mocha Latte with Soy and looked down at the empty cup, the green straw poking through the lid.
She asked quietly. Do we make it?
I smiled.
Yeah. We do more than make it
She rolled away before I could say anything else, leaving behind only an empty space where her wheelchair had been and the faint smell of coffee. Somehow, I think she already knew the answer before she asked.
If I could tell my younger self one last thing, it would be this: Keep asking questions. Keep
stepping out of line.
The world may not always catch up to you, so keep paving your own path. You’ve always known exactly who you are and what you want out of this lifetime. Don’t ever second-guess that, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and never stop searching for what’s next and yearning for more.
Peri R. Finkelstein is a Marketing Consultant, Digital Creator, Keynote Speaker, Founder/CEO of the Team Peri Foundation, and has raised over $1M for charity. Peri was featured in Forbes in December 2022, holds a Bachelor of Science and an MBA from Adelphi University, Garden City, New York, is an Emmy Award Winner, and recently released her TEDx Talk titled “Always Wanting More & Stepping Out of Line”. In September 2026, she plans to release her memoir titled “The Velvet Bow (And Other Dark Sh*t)”. As a marathoner, nonprofit leader, and producer, creator, and co-host of the Team Peri Step Out of Line podcast, she inspires listeners through her dedication to community engagement. While she was born with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy, Peri only allows that factor to be a blip in the equation, and in turn, her medical challenges have fueled her fire and her drive to believe that with hard work, a sharp mind, wit, and a whole lot of moxie, she can accomplish anything. Over the years, Peri has honed her craft relentlessly and lives by the mantra of Step Out of Line. Her life’s mission is to share her story in the hope of inspiring others to be the change and always venture out of the lines. To learn more about Peri, visit www.teamperi.org
